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WHAT A LIFE !

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Santa appeared before the judge to seek divorce from his wife.

‘how old are you?’ asked the judge.

‘Thirty-five,’ said Santa

The judge noted his greying hair and wrinkled cheeks.’ May I see your birth certificate?’

Santa handed over his birth certificate.

‘But Santa, ‘ the judge furiously, ‘according to your certificate you are not 35 but 50 years old.’

‘ Your Honour, ‘replied Mr. Santa, ‘I’ m not courting the last years I spent with my wife. You call that a life?’

BRAYING COMPETITION

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Banta Scolded his son : ‘ You are a donkey.’ His son replied, ‘But dadaji (Grandfather) called me, “ Tum gadhey ke bachchey ho.’” (You are the son of a donkey.)

After Prime Minister Manmohan singh had his knee surgery, Dr, Khuswant advised him: ‘ Sir for a few days you have to use a walker.’

‘That is no problem, doctor. Will Johny Walker be okay?’

The silencer

F.E. Smith who later became Lord Birkenhead, was famous for his acidic wit and devilish sense of humour. When he was attending a luncheon in Swansea to mark the opening of the new town hall, he found himself sitting next to the Prince of Wales.

They both had to sit through a long-winded speech by the mayor, which never seemed to end.

F.E. Smith picked up a menu card, wrote a few words on the back, and asked the toastmaster to give it to the speaker. Shortly after he had done this, the mayor made some closing remarks and sat down.

The prince of Wales, who had noticed the incident asked Smith what he had written. ‘Oh, nothing much,’ Smith replied. ‘I just told him his fly buttons were undone.

DURAND LINE HUMOUR

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The latest political anecdote from Islamabad. A Swiss, a Japanese, a Europe by ship. The others ask the Swiss the time and find that his Swiss watch is five minutes slow. The Swiss throws is five minutes watch overboard muttering, there are more at home. They then switch on the TV, which is kaput. The Japanese throws it overboard muttering the same thing. The Pakistani picks up the afghan and throws him overboard.

TIT FOR TAT

Inspirational quotes

SAFE BUT…

One day Santa was walking down a busy road when he realised a truck was headed right towards him.

Trying to be on the safe side he moved off the road, out of harm’s way, but the truck veered right towards him.

Scared, Santa jumped into the bushes to avoid the truck. As the truck passed by, he stood up and started crying.

People gathered around and asked him why he was crying when the truck had missed him.Santa replied that he was crying not because the truck missed him, but because behind the truck was written—‘PHIR MILENGE’ (We will meet again!)

A man got into argument with the famous Urdu satirist, Kanhaiya Lal.

Tempers rose. To end the dialogue Kanhaiya lal said, ‘I thought you were a gentleman.’

‘You were absolutely right, ‘ said Kanhaiya Lal.

‘It was I who was mistaken.’

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