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MATCH FIXING

Banta decided to make money by betting on cricket matches. He called bookie and asked, ‘how many cricket matches are there this month?’

‘Ten, ‘was the answer, and bet on all ten and lost them all.

The following month, he called the bookie, learned that there were 12 games and bet on all 12. Again he lost the whole lot.

A few months later, the unlucky Banta was on the phone again asking. ‘How many cricket matches are there this month?’

‘None, ‘answered the bookie, ‘But I have several hockey matches coming up.’

‘You fool, ‘cried Banta. ’What do I know about hockey.’?!!!!

CHOR CHOR

Santa and Banta went to Pakistan on a trip. They were walking down the street in one of the poorer areas when a Pakistani o a bicycle raced by.

‘What’s that?’ asked Santa.

‘A thief, ‘replied Banta.

They walked on for a few minutes more when another bicycle raced by, this time two Pakistanis on it.

‘What was that?’ asked Santa.

‘Organised crime, ‘replied Banta.

THE ABC OF DEATH

Every time Ujaagar through the Obituary Columns, he thinks to himself, perplexed, ‘Strange, how everybody seems to die in alphabetical order?’

Demolition expert

A retired Madras Sapper Officer, who had returned to the UK, had been employed as a Recruiting Officer during the war years. Enrolment of women into the Services was quite common.

One day a prostitute volunteered for enrolment into the army. In one of the forms she had to fill, there was a column ‘Employment before enrolment. ‘She did not want to write prostitute, as it embarrassed her and she thought it was inappropriate. So she went to the Recruiting Officer for advice.

You may not know the snappers construct roads, bridges and defences, and destroy those of the enemy. So this Sapper replied, without batting an eyelid, ‘Please write, “Demolition of Temporary Erections.”’

PERFECT PATIENTS

Four surgeons were discussing the professions which make the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon said, ‘ I like to see accountants on my operating table because, when you open them up, everything inside them is numbered.’

The second responded, ‘You should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.’

The third surgeon said, ‘I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.’

But the fourth surgeon said shut them all up with this observation: ‘You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easy to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.’

SWEET SANTA

One day Santa rushed home and went straight to the kitchen. His wife saw him open the sugar container, look inside, close it, and keep it back.

After some time, Santa again went to kitchen, picked up the sugar container, opened it, peeped inside, closed it and kept it back.

An hour later he did the same thing. Another hour and his wife saw him go through the same actions again.

Puzzled, she asked him the reason for his behaviour. Why are you opening the sugar container and looking inside so often?’

Replied Santa, ‘I am a sugar patient you know…… and doctor advised me to check the sugar often.’

SURVIVAL TIP

What do you do when a sardar throws a hand grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

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